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1. Dated boyfriend for 3 years
2. Broke up after his 2.5 year divorce was finally settled (he wanted some alone time)
3. Started dating again 1 year later for about 6 months.
4. Broke up with him because I needed my space.
5. A year later found out he was getting married.
6. Three years later I receive an email from him that his wife is dying from end stage cevical cancer.
7. Six months later I receive an email that his wife had died (three weeks prior) and that he'd like to see me and "catch up".
8. Started seeing him on a regular basis and have been together now for 9 months.
9. A month ago he moved from the house he shared with her to a condo he now shares with his teenage son.
10. Didn't hang the poster sized portraits of them on their wedding day, but several 5X7's still dot the mantel in the dining room.
11. Feeling a bit left out as I hardly hear from him anymore, and when I do see him it's only for a few hours in the evening on a Friday or Saturday night. I've invited him to lunch during the week, or on ski trips, etc., all of which he has not said "no", but the time comes and goes with no acknowledgement of it by him.
I've tried so hard these past few months to believe that he just needs his space and time to grieve, and I've tried to give him that. But at the same time, it is I who hurts by not giving myself what I really need: a healthy, loving relationship with someone who is emotionally available and able to give of himself.
I love this man, have loved him since the day I met him 10 years ago. I want things to work out between us, but I fear that time is just ticking by and in the end I will lose him anyway so what's the point?
He "lost his soulmate" (yes, he stated it to me just like that. Me of all people!). How can one ever compete with soulmate status? I'm at a loss here and don't know what to do.